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      I was trying to stretch out this tension in my ribs, stress built up there or whatever, it really gets to aching. I have my arms around a pillow trying to get a balance of relax and torsion, and it occurs to me that I am trying to do A Hug - this has become an an unfamiliar maneuver, as I have not touched another human body since like... January?
      Grief cycle sputtering unexpectedly back to "shock and denial" where I expected to be there when his Mom moved here from Colorado. Where I thought I had been nearing the "acceptance of loss" status in this cycle, apparently not. Somehow the planning for that ordeal as we laid out last Autumn was still laying in the back recesses of my mind, unchanged - where it should have just been swept out with the rest when it all went to hell? So here is the day! Here she is, and my mind can't understand why I'm not there with a fresh bouquet of flowers! "Welcome to Minnesota, Glenda."

      In a way it's just as well.
We all knew there was almost no chance she would like me, as an old guard belle I was pretty certain to offend every single southern sensibility she was ever raised to, just being what I am.
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Surviving. Not feeling great...
Thinking back over the mess that was the non-relationship.
There is a lot to write over, and most of it is going in the paper journal.

"Just being a jerk sometimes doesn't make you an irredeemably bad person."

MN/US/World News
"Voices In The Wilderness" Re-Creates The Work Of The 1st Known Female Composers In America
"i think i'm going grey"


This one feels familiar. The lover who loved me no longer exists - the man lives, but is dead to me. Working through this time as grieving, mourning what is gone.
      Of course he says I am being excessively harsh, he's still here. This is the mistake in still talking to him. Part of it, anyhow. The other part is that he has not yet failed to mention how much happier he is, now, without me. How much happier he is with her, how amazing she is. He stopped loving me the day he met her. If he had been honest about that, told me, let me go - I might be more forgiving.
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Vocabulary by Lesson : Greek

Portland - protesters say federal officers in unmarked vans are detaining them
Only a Dress Rehearsal

“It was basically a process of facing many walls and corners as they patted me down and took my picture and rummaged through my belongings,” Pettibone said. “One of them said, ‘This is a whole lot of nothing.’”
Pettibone said he was put into a cell. Soon after, two officers came in to read him his Miranda rights. They didn’t tell him why he was being arrested. He said they asked him if he wanted to waive his rights and answer some questions, but Pettibone declined and said he wanted a lawyer. The interview was terminated, and about 90 minutes later he was released. He said he did not receive any paperwork, citation or record of his arrest.
“I just happened to be wearing black on a sidewalk in downtown Portland at the time,” Pettibone said. “And that apparently is grounds for detaining me.”
field of action

Awake Again

Personal News
      Everything is terrible and I'm in a lot of pain.

      I mist my office over with a spray of H2O2 (4%) a few times a day. But, there are maybe eight of us here on the busiest of days, and we each keep to our separate spaces.
      It's kinda funny - my reception desk, if set up properly, I'd be in a position where people could potentially just be slobbering spittle all over me. But when the office was rennovated three years ago, the positioning of the power, phone, & internet cords means that my computer needs to be wayy over here by the window or it won't reach (longer cords?! I'm not in charge of any of this nonsense - I just sit back & laugh). I was not 100% enthusiastic about leaving the mail room / library / hidden in back for this sitting at the front desk all day every day, for... reasons.

What They Don't Tell You About Surviving

How To Get People To Wear Masks - Ask A Sex Educator

US Cases May Be Ten Times Official Number

"I'm becoming convinced that Covid is not far from taking on the characteristics of gun violence. The U.S. will endure much higher, persistent negative effects from something that other countries have solved; we'll normalize it and convince ourselves nothing can be done."
—Michael Rozier, St. Louis University


Houston to Exceed ICU Capacity

Minnesota / U.S. / World
With 24 Hours to Prepare - Minneapolis police still fail to stop gunfight

Protest Propaganda Riding High on the Success of Pandemic Hoaxes

Millions Face Income Cliff

US Military Has a Booogaloo Problem
...on top of our longtime law enforcement Problem...

Consequences of leaving these problems go unchecked : Wilmington Cop

Atlanta Crime Drops

Yes, The Onion : Officials Warn of Spike in Violence

Sex Workers Never Counted On Cops

Trial Runs For Fascism in Full Flow

Milwaukee Sex-Trafficking House Burned


Interactive Media Bias Chart
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end of week

      Our oldest lawyer here, a tenant of our office, not part of The Firm... he's like eighty. He works because it keeps him sharp. Kinda the same story for everyone here - at 42 I'm the baby?! No, wait - we have a young lawyer in her late 20s, but she works from home these days.
      Anyhow - old guy came in, with the empty can of Surge he had with breakfast. It... I...? They still make that?
      Maybe it's not JUST the work, keeping him lively.

"Hey, I just wanna say that it wasn’t your fault why they’ve caused you so much pain. Please don’t blame yourself for the way they took advantage of your kindness and pure heart. You deserve to heal and I hope you find yourself again.

What set JKR off :

& Surge is BACK (evidently)
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every thing

Letter From Minneapolis - by Su Hwang

If there's one thing I took away from working in medical tech it's that a system creates exactly the result it is designed to create
Even if it was just one massive mistake. If it happened, if someone got hurt or died, it was bc the system was designed to allow it.
This is how we took responsibility when our software failed. It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a lack of education. It was designed wrong. It shouldn't have been possible.
To change it, we had to redesign the software. Not educate users. Not polish. Not moderate. Redesign.
What I'm saying is that Minneapolis is designed to be racist and and its unfathomable that the police and the city arent held to the same standard as medical software. Reform is not enough.

麗柰 | Rena | @notquitefemme

Two Post Offices Torched - USPS still stands against police brutality

New Cov-19 Infections Spike - sibling says the outstate is poised to get f*c&ed soon, as people flood out of the cities to spend summer at rural lakes, and they still don't believe the virus is even "real"...

Round Up The Green Hats - legal observers targeted

Unidentified Security Forces

Environmental Disaster in Siberia

& J.K.Rowling is (Still) Trash
...but D.Radcliffe also weighs in...

“What woman here is so enamored of her own oppression that she cannot see her heelprint upon another woman's face? What woman's terms of oppression have become precious and necessary to her as a ticket into the fold of the righteous, away from the cold winds of self-scrutiny?”
- Audre Lorde, The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism